as if
out now! listen here:
soundcloud
bandcamp
why i made the song:
ִ֊੭
actually, at first i didn't think anything much would be of this song. it was made as a way to practice and get used to making vocal melodies, as i've been an non singing artist for years, but i looove singing - i just didn't feel confident with it at all, and so i wanted to try it out with a whole other genre, shoegaze, as it seemed less intimidating.
i focused more on the vocal melody as said; it's been so fun, and not a bit of me wants to go back into hiding within my production; this is the first of many songs where i sing :)
ִ֊੭ meaning of the song:
personally, i'm the type of person who likes to apply my own meaning to the songs i listen to, but to those who are curious about what the lyrics means;
short background explanation: i'm a middle eastern, atheist, bi woman. with a dream of making music. i am and i've always been in an environment where i've heard why everything that i like and believe in is bad, which has resulted in me hiding in most parts of my life, even as far as with my music online, despite being anonymous. most of the time the feeling of being allowed to be who i am has felt like a war. i've grown mad at it, and myself, for letting it get to this, and so i chose to make this song so i didn't have to hide behind my production, but speak my mind through singing for once.
"as if" is about how absurd it is to listen to someone who is too unwilling or weak to understand differences, wants and dreams that they don't align with; it's about you doing something, that in your environment, in your world, would be looked down upon - simply because it isn't understood or attempted at being understood. defying people who don't have your best in mind, simply wanting control of who you should be. it's you choosing to not care, because it is your life, your dream, your heart, and you won't let it up for anything less and dishonest to you.